y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
