to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ugly people sure do ruin things
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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