I hate all girls vehemently.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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