so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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