I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
