I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
