Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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