the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
