So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
