He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
