When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
