I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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