I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
