jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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