I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
