I want to have your abortion
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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