I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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