So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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