I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
