Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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