i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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