We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
