youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
