I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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