I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
