I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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