these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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