I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
