I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
