If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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