ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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