he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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