i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
