we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
