I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
