Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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