Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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