my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
