My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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