I puked a lego.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
