my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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