I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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