I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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