we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
