I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
