Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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