Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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