I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
