mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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