i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We left the knife in your bed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
