just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
