I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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