i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
