The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
