Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
