my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
